Time For Change
by Neferit
Summary: Duty first, told me father before he died. I followed as long as I could. But isn't it finally time to change?
1. Prologue Duty First

**A/N:** Spoilers and AU ahead, so be wary! Also, I planned this to be a one-shot - but since the plot Darkspawns started to appear, I guess this will be a longer than I thought...

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, only this fan fiction and all the mistakes contained in it are all my fault. Daaaamn!

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**1. Duty First**

_Officium primoris_. _Duty first_.

That's what always has been written on Cousland's coat-of-arms. And it was also one of the last things my father has told me before Duncan had to drag me and my nephew Oren out of the castle, otherwise Howe's men would kill us together with the rest of our family. "We love you, darling. Good bye." I cursed the letters written on the family shield I carried with me. It just made me lose my family.

_Duty first_.

Only because of that I bowed to Morrigan's suggestion to stop trying to look for Fergus or Oren when we found ourselves in Lothering, after that fateful battle at Ostagar. Because my duty wasn't to look for my family - but to end the Blight and to bring Howe to justice for his crimes against Couslands. But this time, I had even more reasons to follow my duty. I've lost Oren and my Mabari, Lord, in Ostagar. While I was carried away from the battle by Flemeth, Oren and Lord were there and in all probability both of them were dead. My duty was to stop those Darkspawns, so they won't kill even more innocent children and their animal of human protectors. But was it not my duty to keep my nephew safe in the first place?

_Duty first_.

I found Oren in the place where I would expect it the least. In the Circle Tower. When we entered the barricaded part of the main floor, I was greeted by happy barking and boyish voice exclaiming "Auntie!"I couldn't believe my very eyes, my very ears - my nephew! Alive! I think Wynne tried to say something - but all my attention was turned towards the little boy who run to me to throw himself into my open arms. Both of us crying, both of us laughing with a barking Mabari who was jumping around us. I could hear Morrigan snort and Sten mumble something about weak women but I couldn't care less. What was left of my family was once again with me, and although I had to leave Oren safely with Kinnon and Petra, I felt my heart beating with joy.

_Duty first_.

Only because it was my duty I kept on searching through the Fade, where Sloth demon imprisoned us all. I walked through the majestic halls of Weisshaupt, killed Duncan made by the demon and kept on searching for the others. Every time I found someone and freed them, they disappeared and I was left alone again. I understood what Niall meant by "this place will suck every though of happiness out of you, leaving only despair". I was more successful than he was in exploring this part of Fade - but the despair started to claw into my sanity as well. But with gritted teeth I repeated tenet of my house - Duty first - while adding "despair later" to it.

_Duty first_.

That kept me hacking my sword against every undead creature I've found in the Redcliff castle even if my arms went numb with all the strain. _'The people down in the village and Bann Teagan are counting on you, girl. So move your butt and get to the source of this madness!'_ We found the source soon enough. The sight which greeted us made me twist my lips into an disgusted sneer. Bann Teagan was jumping like a fool in front of a clapping boy, who couldn't be much older than Oren. _'Maker - how can you let this man to be so humiliated?'_ I thought. But then, my duty was to stop this. The boy forced the guards and Teagan to attack us, leaving us to either kill them or just do something else to free them from being possessed - luckily all it took was to stun them, which we swiftly did, although I almost couldn't bring myself to hit Teagan's head with the pommel of my sword. And afterward - I couldn't just kill the possessed child. My thoughts always slipped to Oren, who was waiting for me in Redcliff's Chantry. So I left the others in Redcliff and together with Lord we rode to Circle Tower to ask for assistance with matter of a possessed child. We rode the whole way there and back in one try - and when we returned, I almost fell from the horse, only Teagan's quick assistance saving me from falling on the ground.

_Duty first._

Duty led me to the very ends of civilization between the peaks of Frostback Mountains. Haven, they called it. More of a Hell to me. The duty led not only me here - we've found several bodies of knights from Redcliff. Their search for Brother Genitivi was fatal for them - just like the search for the Urn itself almost proved fatal for us as well. The Guarding asked: "Do you feel guilty about leaving your parents, even if you knew you were leaving them to the death?" An icy hand gripped my heart. "Yes. I should have never left them. I should fight to the death for them. But then... my duty was to take care of Oren. I couldn't let him be killed..." I swear I saw the Guardian smile a bit. I haven't listened to the questions he posed to my companions, my whole attention concentrated on _'pass through the trials, get the sacred ashes and bring them to Redlicff.'_ And then, my heart almost stopped again. Behind the previously locked door stood my father.

_Duty first._

Duty made me leave little Oren in Redcliff. I asked Bann Teagan and Arlessa Isolde to take care of him. When I left crying Oren in his room - Maker, I was crying, too! - I went to say my farewells to Teagan. "My lady?" he asked after I entered his room, raising from his seat by the fireplace when he saw my cheeks still wet with tears. I took his hand and pressed it to my cheek, surprising us both. "Teagan," I started, "I'm leaving my everything here in Redcliff. Please, take care of him. He's the only family I've left." He looked my straight in the eyes and caressed my cheek with his thumb. "You do not need to ask, Amélie." How pleasant was to hear him saying my name. But duty commanded me to leave for our Dalish allies. But how, oh how I haven't wanted to leave this place!

_But duty first_.

It was duty which led me to Orzammar and to the Deep Roads themselves in the end. Not only to the Deep Roads - but to the feared Dead Trenches for Paragon Branka and famed Anvil of the Void. It was compassion which made me to side with Paragon Caridin in one last battle, not duty. After hearing his pained voice, when he told us how the golems were made... I couldn't do otherwise. Duty, no matter how unpleasant for some of my companions, had bring me back to crown the new King of Orzammar - Bhelen Aeduncan. In him I've seen personification of "End justifying the means". He didn't choose the most ethic means in his way for power - but I felt he will be able to bring Orzammar to better times. And in future I was proved correct.

_Duty first._

Duty made me to swallow my pride and offer my services to Alistair, newly crowned King of Ferelden. King, who betrayed me and everything we ever had. _"She can do that, because I won't rule alone - Anora shall be my Queen!"_ Only the lessons of iron self-control I had to undertake under urging of my mother kept me from making a weak fool out of myself. No, they will never see me cry, never see me broken. Instead, they will see an Chancellor who chose _Ice_ as her second name, after the Archdemon is slain. I was supposed to die - Riordan said so. I wanted to die while fulfilling my duty to Ferelden and to the Grey Wardens, so I refused Morrigan's offer almost as soon as she said she knows how to survive through the final battle. But I didn't die as I wanted. The only thing I ever desired more than everything - and I failed while trying to achieve it.

_Duty first._

I rebuilt the Grey Wardens. I helped my brother to rebuilt Highever. I've helped to strengthen Ferelden as her Chancellor. But my heart was slowly dying in my bosom, my soul crying in the empty cell I've put her in.

_Duty first._

I know I have to be strong. That time heals. But how can I be healed when I'm forced by duty to see the one who gave me the wound every day?

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**A/N:** That's all for now - although the plot Darkspawn Brood Mother are working on next plot Darkspawns, so the next part will be coming soon... Hopefully. :o) Please, if you spot any grammar mistake or anything else, let me know, so I can correct it.


	2. Unlucky Celebration

**A/N:** Ah, those plot Darkspawns... I can consider myself happy that they still haven't overcame me.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, only this fan fiction and all the grammar errors in it are all my fault. Seriously.

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**2. Unlucky Celebration**

From a certain time I started to hate celebrations. And this one was particulary unpleasant and awkward - it was a banquet in honor of the King's first-born.

I kept smiling politely, making small talk - Maker, how I hate to speak about nothing! - and walking through the crowds of people, when a familiar voice sounded right next to me. "My lady, would it be too presumptuous to say that you look lovely tonight?"

I turned towards the voice, feeling my lips forming a first genuine smile in a while. "Bann Teagan! It's always a pleasure to see you," I added, meaning it. I held my hand to him, expecting him to shake hands with me - when he did one of those elegant courteus gestures of his; he took my hand and instead of shaking it, he brought it to his lips and placed a kiss on the back of my hand, making me blush slightly.

"My lady, you are even lovelier when you blush," he said with a smirk. I gave him the 'look' which was famed to be my speciality. "My lord, you shouldn't do this - I have a reputation to keep," I said, trying to look strict - which I sadly failed, since it was almost impossible to stay in Lady Ice's shoes when talking to this man. Something in his eyes always made me smile back at him - and to tell the truth, from some unknown reason I felt I could drown in those eyes; so captivating, deep, compassionate and so very blue. I really missed this man. It was sad that we haven't met for so long - but then, I had to take care about the remains of Darkspawn horde, start recruiting new generation of Grey Wardens and then spend a number of happy hours by international diplomacy and Ferelden politics.

I blinked quickly, breaking my captivation with his eyes. Yet... Flashes of light danced in their depths. Just like the light used to play in _his_ eyes, I thought bitterly, feeling my stomach clench. It has been for about year and half already - sometimes it felt like a knife twisted in a wound, over and over again. And just when the wound healed a bit, the knife was turned in it once again. Every time I was able to get out of Denerim, I felt as if a boulder had been lifted off my shoulders - be it for Amaranthine or for Soldier's Peak to take a look on progress of Grey Wardens recruits or for Highever to pay a visit to my brother and nephew. But then, responsibilities called me back to the court; back to seeing _him_ and _her_ every day, _together_; the happiness on their faces when they announced a heir is on the way... I envied them. _They_ had a child and each other, all _I_ had was an iron self-control and _Ice Chancellor_ for a nickname whispered behind my back. No one dared to call me like that in front of me or my friends. Yet they came with the nickname very quickly after my claiming the Chancellor post. And it hurt. This is what I've fought for? What I've bled for?

I had to look distant, since I've felt Teagan's touch on my forearm. "My lady?" "Amélie," I corrected him, almost automatically. I gave him a small smile. "I told you that you can call me only Amélie, my lord. Under all of this Chancellor stiffness it's still the same Grey Warden you've encountered in Redcliff Chantry during the Blight." He shared the smile, although in his eyes appeared something... else. I couldn't quite place what it was - and that confused me. I opened my mouth to speak again, to ask him about Redcliff and Rainesfere - only to be interrupted by voice of the main chamberlain. "Ladies and gentlemen - I would like to invite you into the assembly room."

"Shall we dance, my lady?" asked Teagan, offfering me his hand. I hesitated. He saw my uncertainity. "My lady, if you do not wish to..." "No," I interrupted him, taking his hand, "I would be honored to dance with you, my lord." "Teagan," he returned me my 'Amélie' remark. The musicians started to play my favorite waltz piece - On the Beautiful Blue Hrakon. "I'm afraid, Teagan, that I will probably step on your toes quite a lot," I warned him, while we were preparing for the dance to start. "I haven't danced for... well, very long time," I added sheepishly. It was a really strange feeling, to feel so content and yet so restless at the same time. And in presence of seemingly interested man no less. After so many months in presence of men who either didn't care about me or would give everything to be far away from as soon as they stated their bussiness I've almost forgotten that there are men who actualy are able to enjoy my presence.

With Teagan I've felt all those things I haven't felt all the time since the fateful Landsmeet. He treated me in a way which was making me feel delicate, attractive and definitely like a woman. In his arms I almost levitated over the dance-foor in the rhytm of waltz. "You dance like an angel, Amélie." I gave him a blissful smile. "I always loved dancing, ask Fergus about it, if you don't believe me. However," I continued bitterly, "there weren't many occasion for dancing since Howe's attack on Highever and then, after the end of the Blight - who would dare to dance with the resident _Ice Chancellor_," I finished, voice thick with sarcasm. Teagan chuckled. "They may call you that, Amélie, but it's still not you. I remember the young woman I've met in Redcliff..."

"That girl died at Fort Drakon, Teagan," I interrupted him sharply. "She was too trusting and naive for her own good, let me tell you."

He fell silent for a moment, guiding me through the complicated steps of interlude in the music, making me nervous with his silence. "She was skilled, courageous, kind and most of all, she was beautiful." He sighed dramarically. "And here I am, dancing with the woman who's just like her - and who claims not to be her. Oh, dreadful fate..."

"And why are you looking for her?" I asked, trying to sound disconcerned. Judging from his knowing smile, I failed in something what I was doing so well with almost every other man I've met during my time as a Chancellor.

"Well, you know, Amélie, when I met her for the first time, we had the most amusing and most tantalizing talk..." As if I could have forgotten about our first meeting. I was still blushing furiously just while thinking about it in retrospective.

_"I'm asking for forgiveness, my lady. Please, ask away."_

_"Do you have a family of your own?"_

_"Oh, you.. you mean... am I married? No... I've never had the pleasure. If I did, I would be lucky to have a wife as lovely as yourself."_

_"Flatterer."_

_"Well, if I may be so bold, my lady - are _you_ married?"_

_"No, no - I'm not married."_

_"Hm, I find that hard to believe. It looks almost like a crime to me... But I'm too bold, my lady."_

_"Nay, my lord - your only problem is that you're _not_ bold enough."_

He watched me with a smirk on his face. "... and I wanted to tell her, that I've grown bold during the time we haven't seen each other."

"Oh," I batted my eyelashes playfully at him. "How can you be so sure?_"_

"Because, my dear lady," he leaned to whisper into my ear, "Now I would like nothing else than to ruin her reputation by kissing her right here, in front of everyone." My eyes widened at his daring. Wow. Tell me about a daring man here! However, Teagan has yet something else to say. "And then I would ask her to marry me."

Andraste's holy knickers! I had no idea how my legs continued to dance, since I had hard time trying not to have my mouth open agape. I couldn't believe my own ears, so I just looked at him as if I've just seen a ghost. Anything like this would be too good for me to hope. I expected him to roll over, laughing and saying: "Ha! Bluff called!" It was only that he... didn't seem to be doing that anytime soon.

"Why... why me?" I stuttered. I always did enjoy his company and he seemed to enjoy mine as well - but as much as I liked him, it still didn't seem enough for a marriage proposal to me. He gave me a small smile. "Not only you are beautiful, courageous and strong - you are also the only lady in the whole Ferelden I can imagine as my wife."

Boing, boing, boing! I swear that my brain had to jump out of my skull at that statement and run around me in circles. At least I felt that way. _'The only lady in the whole Ferelden I can imagine my wife.'_ What woman wouldn't be overjoyed by something like that? The only problem was that Teagan was obviously unaware of several things which came with becoming a Grey Warden - and he needed to know, so he could reconsider in advance.

"Teagan," I started slowly. His eyes seemed so full of affection and... and _hope_ that I felt as if I was about to kick a small puppy, "I'm not saying no - but," I stopped him before he could say anything, "there are things you should know. I won't hold against you, if you decide to withdraw your proposal after hearing them."

"Amélie," he started to speak. But all of sudden I fell against him by the force of something hitting my back. So much pain... I looked over my shoulder. An arrow. Maker - who would want to shoot me? I knew that several nobles probably were't overly happy with several of the decisions the King made on my counsel - but to shoot me in the middle of a feast?

People immediately started panicking. "Someone call healer, dammit!" I heard Teagan yelling. His arms closed around me, as he tried to keep me standing. My knees began to buckle under me. Hell, I knew that I've just got shot with an arrow - but my vision getting blurry so quickly told me another thing. It was almost as if fire was creeping my veins. So similar to the Joining... "Teagan," I whispered. He heard me even over all that noise around. "That arrow is... is poisoned..."

He yelled for healer again, this time more frantically. My consciousness was leaving me quickly. "Amélie, Amélie... stay with me, yes?" I tried to nod. In the end, all I managed was to whisper: "Teagan... don't leave me..." His eyes, full of despair, stayed with me even after the darkness enveloped me in its embrace.

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**A/N:** Talk about sudden proposals, hm? Yes, I'm aware it look pretty all of sudden - but I'll explain it in the following parts of the story, I promise.


	3. Disappear

**A/N:** Oh, plot Darkspawns, please, _please_, have mercy! I'm unable to type as quickly as you keep on appearing!

By the way, thanks to everyone who added this to their favorited or alert stories lists and/or reviewed the story. That's what I call an ego boost! Many thanks for the support and for the time spent by reading or reviewing!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, only this fan fiction and all the grammar errors contained it are all my fault. Daaamn!

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**3. Disappear**

_"Have _you_ ever been saved by a woman dressed _only_ in a nightgown?"_

I still remembered the small boy, Oren, asking me this question. We were in Redcliff Chantry, waiting for the undead to come. I blinked in surprise at his question. "Uhm, no?" I said, feeling a bit like an idiot. I was expecting lot of things from a small boy - after all, Connor wasn't much older, however, this took me completely by surprise.

He clapped his hands together excitedly. "Well, _I_ was!" But then he sniffed. "Mommy tried to save me from that bad men who attacked our castle. But they... they killed her." His lower lip trembled, as he tried not to start crying. "Auntie showed up after that - all covered in blood and with a sward... hm, I mean, _sword_ - I always get that wrong, isn't in funny? - in hand and it was all like 'hey, I'm the princess stabitty here!'" He immediately jumped from the place by my side and started to show what it looked like, flinging imaginary sword around. "And do you know how they called her?" he asked again, his eyes shining with mirth. "They... hehe... they called her... _Couslands'_ _Spitfire_!" His laugh rang through the halls of the Chantry, almost startling all the people, who were hiding there and praying to the Maker for helping them.

"Aren't you scared?" I asked him. He shook his head. "No. But I was," he paused for a moment, lowering his voice and adding a definitely conscpiratory feel into the whole discussion, "when we were in Ostagar. It was really scary there, I swear! But only because Auntie wasn't there with me," he added, looking longingly towards the doors. Then he turned back to me. "Auntie will be all right, won't she?" For the first time I've noticed a mark of fear in his voice, fear for his only family, fear for being alone - and this time it would be final. I bit my lip. I desperately wanted to assure him that she will - but after seeing what those undead beasts can do, I just couldn't bring myself to lie to him. "I hope so, Oren, I really do."

He stood there for a moment, completely silent. Sitting back to his seat beside me he hugged me and with confidence I hadn't he said: "I know she will. She always is."

_"Are you... all right, my lord?"_

Ouch. And that being asked by a woman who just hit my head with the pommel of her sward... I mean, _sword_. "Well, are there two of you or just one?" I asked, trying to focus my eyes on her face. Her fingers gently touched my head, searching for any other wound apart from the pommel one. "Teagan!" Isolde's voice startled me. She was nearly hysterical, _again_, and the pitch of her voice was making my ears ringing. How different was her voice now from the comforting voice of Amélie...

_"Would you be so kind and teach Oren how to wield a sword, my lord?"_

She asked me when she was recovering from her ride to Circle Tower. The mages send one of her companions, a healer mage named Wynne, into the Fade to search for the demon who possessed Connor. First of all she almost fell from the horse she rode there and back again - and only by great luck I was able to catch her before she hit the ground. Carrying her sleeping form to the nearest bedroom and laying her on the bed I felt my heart beating quiecker. When sleeping, she looked so vulnerable, so unguarded and so... so_ beautiful_. Black circles under her eyes could tell how much she had to do for saving Redcliff and then my nephew. So when she asked me next day, all I could do was only to nod and promise her that I will do the best of my ability to teach him how to fight.

_"I'm leaving my everything here in Redcliff. Please, take care of him. He's the only family I've left."_

As if I could do anything else, when she asked me with her cheeks still wet with tears. I've heard the sobbing from Oren's room. "Auntie - why can I not go with you? You don't want me with you?" Sob, followed by comforting voice: "Oren... please, darling, try to understand... What do you think your daddy would tell me, if anything happened to you while gathering allies to fight th Blight?" More sobbing and hushed speaking. "And Auntie - will you return for me? You won't leave me alone, right?" Like she ever would. From what I've heard from Oren himself, she fough like a lioness would for her cub, if there was anything endangering him. Yet she looked so fragile, when she went to say her farewell to me. That and my hand pressed to her cheek added to my resolve to do everything I can to protect the boy. If for nothing else, then for her.

_"Ouch."_

I've seen her beaten and bruised form for only a short moment after her escape from Fort Drakon. Zevran, the assassin, originally hired to kill her - but failing in his task and joining to her cause, together with Wynne, the mage healer and the Qunari, Sten, got her from there. "My lady," I carefully touched her cheek, "are you all right? Did they... hurt you?" I asked. She gave me a pained smile. "They've just gave me some solid beating, my lord. And I've gave them enough trouble so they left only by that." Then they carried her away to her room, so Wynne could treat her injuries properly.

_"I declare Alistair the new King of Ferelden."_

Usually I didn't visit Landsmeets, leaving it to Eamon. But today, today I went there as well. If only to see her speaking. She could be very convincing, if she wanted. After a long duel with Loghain she was asked to decide who will rule Ferelden. And she picked Alistair, just like was the plan. I had been proud of the man. I have been envious of him because _he_ had her. One of the nobles cried out: "How can you even do such a thing? How can you be o sure he will even be able to rule?" It was Alistair who spoke: "She can do that, because I won't rule alone - Anora shall be my Queen!"

I've been close enough to see a flicker of surprise and pain in her eyes, quickly hidden behind a mask of calm. I could easily recognize the results of self-control lectures - I've got those, too, and the fact that I may not use them often doesn't mean I don't recognize the signs. With grace which would put even Anora to shame she turned to the nobles and let her voice carry over the majestical halls of Landsmeet building. "You've all heard him. May long live and rule the new King of Ferelden and his Queen!"

There was no hesitation in her when she turned back and asked him: "Please, Your Majesty, tell us what we are to do." However, in him _was_ certain hesitation of being suddenly put in charge. But in the end, his voice sounded: "Everyone prepares for the war. We have to end the Blight. And Amélie of Grey Wardens is the one who shall take us to victory!"

The whole Landsmeet saluted to the newest General of Ferelden. Only I've heard her whisper. "_Officium primoris_, pup. Duty first."

_"Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds,"_

she told me before marching with the army back to Denerim. The Archdemon proved to be much more cunning than we gave it credit for, making a false attack on Redcliff while moving the bigger part of the horde Ferelden capital. The army set forth in the morning and everyone was supposed to rest as much as they could. Yet I've seen her moving around the castle and around the camp, there talking with a lone man, there taking a sip of ale, there laughing over a sizzler. She spent several hours in the first aid tent, walking from one wounded soldier to another, exchanging words with every of them. 'Lady with the Lamp,' I've heard them call her.

I didn't quite understood what she meant by that. Only when I arrived to Denerim with reinforcements I understood. I was fighting near the gates when it happened. The Archdemon died. I've asked those who fought with her over at the top of Fort Drakon how the battle there was.

Eamon told me "bloody."

First Enchanter Irving told me "long and tiring".

One of the Dalish Elves and then one of the Dwarves from Legion of Dead told me "it was something what never will be forgotten."

Sten, the huge Qunari warrior who carried her unconscious form all the way to the camp where she could rest and have her wounds properly treated, gave me a long look straight in the eyes and said only one word. "Victorious."

Zevran, elven assassin from Antiva, said only "I went there with her, so she wouldn't have gotten eaten by that beast. But in the end, all I could do was to watch when she stabbed a sword through its head."

And Wynne, the mage accompanying her since the troubles of the Circle, told me "I'm surprised we are still alive. When the Archdemon died, it was... it was like an explosion. All the energy bursted out of its body at once, I would have sworn that this world came to its end in that moment. It threw us all to the ground. I saw her flying before she hit the ground with a sickening sound, the sword still in her hand, laying motionlessly on the ground. We all run to her, expecting the worst. And there she is - barely, but still alive."

_"I accept, Your Majesty."_

She bowed in front of the royal pair gracefully, perfectly controlled; dressed in something what gave her look of a battle mage, offering only the smallest smile which almost never reached her eyes. She's Chancellor. She's beautiful. If only she wasn't so cold.

The Blight was over. The Warden, who killed the Archdemon alive and Ferelden stabilized. I just had to wonder - where did the young woman with bright smile disappear?

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**A/N:** And here it is - next chapter. As you probably know by now, the point of view got switched - from Amélie's to Teagan's. And - as you probably guessed - the opening line is shamelessly paraphrazed Alistair's "Have you ever licked a lamp post in winter?" line. Couldn't resist it. Not sure about you but when I played F!Cousland for the first time, I indeed spent half of the nightly castle quest only in my undergarments (I mean 'Counsland spent', just so you know). And that was when this idea was born. Yes - I'm aware that I am slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter - but we _are_ getting to some serious plot bussiness soon, I swear!


	4. Guarding

**A/N:** Oh, plot Darkspawns, please, please, have mercy! I'm unable to type as quickly as you keep on appearing!

By the way, thanks to everyone who added this to their favorited or alert stories lists and/or reviewed the story. That's what I call an ego boost! Many thanks for the support and for the time spent by reading or reviewing!

And by the way, dear plot Darkspawns - be so kind and do not lead me in different directions, far from _Time for Change_. It's not nice, you know. Hm, just when I think about it - I just can't decide what is worse - if having proper plot Darkspawns for something else or not having them at all...

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, only this fan fiction and all the grammar errors contained it are all my fault. Daaamn!

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**4. Guarding**

"Don't leave me."

As if I could, when I held her limp form in my arms, blood colouring her gown and an arrow sticking out of her back. "Somebody call healer, dammit!" I yelled again. And again. People around were like panicked rabbits, lots of running, none of them helping the situation. And then I've finally seen someone who would be able to help.

"Wynne! Over here!" I yelled. My throat was starting to be sore but I couldn't care less about that. All that mattered was the wounded woman in my arms. The mage made her way to us through the crowd. As soon as she reached us, I told her what Amélie told me. "The arrow is poisoned." Wynne's face darkened. She ordered me to carry Amélie away. I've done as she asked, carrying her from the hall, Wynne casting several spells to slow the poison and to slow the bleeding.

Finally her room! I laid Amélie on her bed. Wynne didn't paid any more attention to me, fully focusing on Amélie. When she started to pull off her gown, I felt myself blushing furiously and wanted to leave but Wynne snapped at me: "Come over here, young man, and try to make yourself useful. I will need your help with pulling that arrow out, so I can heal her." Were the situation less serious, I would answer her with a 'yes, mom' remark. And she was right. This was not time for courteousness.

Wynne pulled on the arrow tentatively and frowned. "It looks like arrow with hooks preventing the arrow from being pulled out of the wound... I won't be able to pull it out without further damage." I nodded grimly. "Then we need to push it through." Wynne casted another spell. "There's another problem - we need another pair of hands." To my confused look she added: "If I am supposed to cast the healing spell and you push the arrow through, we need someone who will hold her in place, otherwise we can hurt her even more. And she will attempt to do some moving, trust me. It's going to be painful, after all."

"Sod," was all I said. My brain was working furiously. Trying to find anyone to help us right now would be almost like looking for a needle in a haycock. Suddenly the door opened, making us both jump to face an agitated looking chestnut-haired man with a Mabari hound by his side. "What the heck happened to my sister?" "Fergus!" cried Wynne, relieved. Teyrn Cousland! Of course. If anyone came looking after Amélie, it would be him! I started to explain. "We were dancing, when the arrow hit her. Wynne and I carried her here. And we need your help, my lord."

He eyed me for a moment, his eyes so similar to those of Amélie. After one quick look on unconscious form of his sister he nodded. "Tell me what to do." Wynne quickly took the charge of the whole situation. Fergus was about to hold his sister, I was ordered to pull the arrow and as soon as the arrow is out, she will cast a healing spell. Whimpering sound made us turn around. Lord, originally Amélie's Mabari war hound, was standing near the bed and gazing upon his mistress sadly. "Lord," called Fergus softly. Lord turned his oddly intelligent eyes towards him. "We need you to stay outside now." Whimper. "Yes, it's neccesary. What we will do will cause her pain and we can't be interrupted by anyone. You will guard this room, allowing no one to enter, is that clear?" Lord gazed upon every of us for a short moment and with heavy sigh went to the door. Fergus opened them. With one last look on his mistress the Mabari sat sadly behind the door.

"Let us begin," urged Wynne. I felt my stomach twist. _'This is just like the time when she hit your head with pommel of her sword in order to save you,'_ I tried to rationatize. _'Just much more painful,'_ said another voice in my mind icily. Doubt, that was _exactly_ what I needed right now. Fergus caressed his sister's hair. "Be brave, sis," he said soothingly to her, holding her tight. Although I didn't think she actually could hear that, it made me feel a bit calmer. I took a deep breath. "Three... two..." and before I said _'one'_, I urged the arrow forward, piercing it through her flesh. Her eyes opened and she cried out in pain, Fergus holding her so she wouldn't move much. She was trembling and her lips moved wordlessly. _'Is she praying?' _I wondered idly. I pushed forward and then finally the tip of the arrow is out and Wynne can finally cast her spells. With one last look around she closed her eyes and went still. _'She's dead,'_ run through my head. Then Wynne said softly: "She just fainted." I didn't care whom she was trying to comfort, if me, Fergus or herself.

"Thank the Maker," I whispered and sank to my knees next to the bed. There was silence, interrupted only by sound of her swallow breathing and the bandages being wrapped. "Wynne?" asked Fergus after a moment. "Is she supposed to... breathe like this?" Wynne nodded. "I'm afraid that the answer is yes. The arrow obviously damaged her lungs and some of her ribs as well it seems." She shrugged, worried expression on her face. "However, there's little I can do right now. At least she's breathing - and she wouldn't, had it not been for the man here," she finished, pointing to me.

His gaze rested on me. "Thank you," was all he said. I nodded. Wynne got up from the pace on Amélie's bed she was sitting on and went to the door. "I need to prepare some salves and potions which would help her to heal the wound. I will be back soon," she promised and closing the door behind her she disappeared, sound of her hurried steps echoing throught the corridor. Another silence.

"Well, Teagan - care to tell me what happened during the evening? I only recently arrived and first what I've learned by a rather panicky looking guardsman was that the Lady Chancellor has been shoot and no one knows how and where she actually is." Said Fergus after a short moment. I exhaled. "I'm afraid, my lord - " "Fergus," interrupted me Fergus almost immediately. Hiding a smile - it was just like talking to Amélie - I continued, "Fergus, I don't know much more than you in this mattter, I'm afraid. As I said before - I arrived on the banquet, saw her standing there and went to talk to her. Then we went to the assembly room and during our dance someone decided to kill Amélie."

He raised his eyebrows inquiringly when I said her name but didn't comment on that. Instead, his gaze was focused on the sleeping woman. I followed his gaze. Her face lost its sternness and she looked much more younger. And calmer. Suddenly, she started murmuring something. Fergus went over to her, listening to her. "_'Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand, vigilant.'_ Teagan, do you have an idea what she's talking about?" Shaking my head I came closer. She continued murmuring something. I understood only _'duty'_ and _'we shall join you.'_ Her face twisted into pained grimace and her mouth opened in a pained cry. She started thrashing on the bed, both of us had hard time to hold her in place. As suddenly the thrashing started it ended and she lied still once again.

Lord barked and Fergus went to the door. Wynne stood there, hands full of healing poultrices and things like that. Mabari hound quickly went to see, if his mistress is okay and then returned to his spot behind the door. One of the worst nights of our lives was about to start and I couldn't help but feel relieved that I'm not here alone, since seeing her so vulnerable made my chest clench painfully.

And that was only the beginning.

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**A/N:** Something about this is seriously bugging me. I'm just so discontented with this... but then again, I only rarely am really content about any writing of mine. Oh, and sorry for taking so long for posting this - got carried away by some other ideas as you probably saw in _Wrong_ - my Ser Gilmore NPC mod fanfic, as well as several companion fics for _Time for Change_. If I ever polish them into presentable form, I'll post them here. But only if they will be presentable. Ehm.


	5. Nightmares

**A/N:** Huh, talk about taking my time with another part of _Time for Change_, eh? I know, I know - I'm a terrible person. The DAO kmeme or Ser Gilmmore NPC mod will be my doom, eh... Well, this chapter is more of a filler. But really, I already have notes for next chapter. Hee. *plotting hand-rubbing*

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, only this fan fiction and all the grammar errors contained it are all my fault. Daaamn!

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**5. Nightmares**

Amélie was always pretty stubborn and daring. Some were laughing over it but our parents, especially our mother, probably fought with the urge to scream and bang their heads against the wall quite often. And if not theirs, then it would be scream and bang _her_ head against the wall.

She had a knack for finding things she shouldn't do and shouldn't be allowed to do - and always somehow managed to persuade our parents into letting her do what she liked. The only thing forbidden to her was being with the people she loved. Such as was one of our knights, Ser Roland Gilmore. There was something between them ever since they met each other at age nine. I've seen how their eyes always lit when they met, how they laughed together when they were playing being litte rascals. I've seen Roland carry her to her room after celebration of his eighteenth birthday and how his gaze lingered on her sleeping form when he turned in the doors of her room and took one last look at her. I knew how they met on the night of her debut ball in the gardens. Or the times they secretly met in various places in the castle, to spend at least a few fleeting moments together.

And I also knew it won't last, just like our parents made sure would happen when they caught them kissing. She was crying when she begged them to give them a chance - they were forced apart, forced to abandon all hope of being together ever again. I remembered the long nights, filled with silent sound of her crying, me or Oriana secretly going to her, trying to comfort her, the hard lessons of self-control she had to master before she was allowed to see Roland again. And their reunion had been bittersweet, his eyes shining with unshed tears, her head down when she was sure he couldn't see her. That was when our little Oren was born and she dedicated all her free time to her little nephew, letting me and Oriana spend the time together. Only once she let her self-control slip before Roland. When she was escaping the Castle and he urged her towards the hidden entrance, she kissed him for the one last time, as I was told by one of the few survivors of the attack. Roland was killed that night after refusing to tell anything about wherebouts of Amélie Cousland.

Only now I finally realized why she made me promise her that no matter what, I will always be loyal to the King Alistair. If not for anything else, then for her. And her tears, spilt now, while her body was fighting the poison and the fever it induced, I finally understood.

That bastard, in more ways than just that one. _Bastard_. My knuckles cracked when I've heard her sobbbing a plea of _'I love you, please, do not leave me'_ to that sorry excuse of a man. My thoughts were interrupted by a man's voice, speaking softly to the sobbing Amélie, gently caressing her hair. _Bann Teagan_. I'd almost forgot he was here, as well as the mage, Wynne. Although his voice was soft and comforting, his eyes were blazing with rage. Rage both of us felt.

I started pacing around the room. "So this is the reason for my sister being called _Lady Ice_?" I fumed. "Some bastard beds her just to dump her? How could he do that?

Silence, filled only with Amélie's harsh breathing - thank the Maker Teagan managed to calm her down - was interrupted by Wynne's sigh. "You know, Fergus, when their relationship started, I gave her talk about how much I like Alistair myself and how much I would hate to see him hurt," she said, closing her eyes.

_'Heck, heck, heck,'_ I thought, _'as if_ she _ever needed the talk when it came how to treat others.'_

"She told me that she has no intention of doing so and hasn't spoken to me unless it was completely neccessary for about a week," finished Wynne with dry grin.

"They seemed to be a good match - until the time right before the Landsmeet," continued Teagan. "I remember they argued a lot during that time. There were lots of... _misunderstandings_ between them."

That piqued my curiosity. Amélie almost never talked about what she did or how she felt during the Blight, only that she just did what was her duty. Only sometimes something slipped her and I learnt about that time. But never a single word about these _misunderstandings_.

Before he could continue, it was the time Amélie chose for her next and very vivid nightmare. From what Wynne said, it was most probably related to their time in Brecilian Forrest, when she was bitten by a rabid werewolf. She was screaming and clawing at her hands, as if trying to rip the skin off, drawing long red lines with her fingernails, her eyes wild and glowing with fever. We even needed one of Wynne's stunning spells to prevent her from causing any more damage to her body. When she finally stopped trying to hurt herself, she started singing; songs varying from lullabies, bawdy songs usually known only to soldiers, songs in language I didn't understand - but was told it's Elven - to sad ballads about love in several languages. _'Our Amélie,'_ I thought fondly, _'always so romantic.'_

I noticed Teagan's eyes lingering on her face when she started ballad _Je t'aime_ - I love you. She didn't get far with this one, instead of singing she went limp as another nightmare got her in its grip.

"First day, they come and catch everyone," she said in surprisingly clear voice. Mumbling. "Fifth day, they return and it's another girls turn." Her voice was becoming stronger. "Eight day, we hated as she is violated. Ninth day, she grins and devours her kin. And now," she opened her eyes again, looking deep into my eyes, straight to my soul as I held her in my arms, not willing to risk another turn of self-inflicted damage, "now she feasts, as she's become the beast!" with wild thrashing she tried to break free, only to lay motionlessly only a moment after.

Wynne went to find some food, instructing us take care before she left. I turned my attention from Amélie to Teagan, since Amélie giggled just a few moments ago and said: "Your only fault is, my lord, that you are not bold _enough_," making Teagan blush in quite an interesting shade of red, something quite unusual for a man like him.

"Care to tell me what she's talking about, Teagan?" I asked conversationally. He squirmed under my gaze. _Wow_. Not that I minded getting people nervous - but usually it was my sister whom I was trying to embarrass.

And so he told me. How he was doing his best to protect at least some of the Redcliffe citizens and how Amélie and the rest of the group came just in time to save the village. And how she flirted with him. Wow, wow, _wow_. Not that I didn't know that my sister can flirt or anything like that. But she did that only with people she knew for longer time - or people she liked exceptionally. From what I've heard about Teagan, he was a good man, I think I've even heard mother saying something about him being a possible good husband for Amélie - not that I would ever told her that. She hated it when someone tried to set a match for her.

I changed topics slightly. "You said you asked her to dance with you, yes?"

Nod.

"And not that I mind that but - what made you to invite her for a dance? Not many of men do that these days," I grimaced in the end. Although Amélie used to joke about the lack of dancing partners, I knew she missed dancing. Dancing solo wasn't all that great.

He shrugged. "Well, she's very beautiful, yes? And then - when I've seen her surrounded by people who obviously haven't care about her much, on a feast like this," this time it was him who grimaced, "I thought I should go and talk to her, if nothing else. When the dancing started, it seemed like a good idea to ask her for a dance and..." He stopped, obviously thinking he said too much. I hid a small smile. We, the Cousland siblings, could make people talk - and talk more than they wanted.

That was the moment when Wynne returned to the room, with a tray full of food and a somehow thoughfull expression on her face. "Wynne?" I asked, "what's the matter?"

She blinked, snapping to attention. "Oh, I've happened to meet Zevran - you know him, that Antivan elven assassin, yes?" Both of us, Teagan and me, nodded. "Well, he and his men are running all around the palace, trying to find who tried to kill Amélie. I asked him to deliver a message to Vigil's Keep - her Grey Warden comrades would probably liked to know about this."

It was starting to be more and more complicated. Whom was this mysterious assassin trying to kill; Amélie Cousland - sister of teyrn Cousland, Lady Chancellor or Commander of the Grey?

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**A/N:** And here comes the dramatic pause! Next chapter will bring a rather unexpected turn of things, I believe. Well, as soon as I write it, alright. XD Stay tuned and pay for me to get enough plot Darkspawns soon. Hey - do I feel some plotting Taint over there?


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